Sacrifice

I've been away way too long. I've been pretty busy with my new day job. Then the winter holidays hit and I got caught up in my own reveling. Now we have a new year. A fresh new start, in a sense, to work with in 2012. One thing that is certain in the new year is that life will continue to be a beautiful struggle.

A Flatland Diva makes hard, hard decisions. Life comes with questions much harder than will you drink Cabernet Sauvignon or Merlot, right? Sometimes you can have both, choose one or, on a dry night, luck down on none.

I've recently committed myself to a long distance relationship. It's not something I've ever wanted to do. However, for a special connection, a true unconditional love that could last a lifetime, I was willing to give it a sincere try. Distance makes the heart grow fond but this type of distance can make the heart lonely when your man or lady is unavailable and you are for chat and connection. This type of situation needs lots of watering or the St. Augustine grass will turn dry.

When we first ventured to do this across-state-lines thing he spoke a lot of sacrifices. The sacrifice it would take to make a relationship work with two thousand miles separating us. We would deal with each other's dirty laundry and he would not be easily moved from me.

I recently visited the object of my desire at his home across five states. The visit was a great one and I was hoping that maybe we could have something special. That Black Love, against all odds type of love. Whether or not we can make it remains to be seen. He hit a personal rough patch and chose not to tell me anything about it. Stopped communicating with me all together for a week (a week to a cyber romance is the equivalent of a month in real life). I was so hurt, confused and frustrated that I let myself get out of pocket and made some damning statements via text. Ironically, it was when I lost my mind that he finally resurfaced. He was full of apologizes as was I for my lapse in sanity.

As sorry as we both claim to be, the momentum just is not there. In actuality, I feel that I've made all the sacrifices while he has only spoken of them. I'm thinking that it may be time for this Flatland Diva to move on.